This is just a little progress report, really, on my recuperation programme.
I've been doing much more than normal - going for walks, cycle-rides, etc., keeping myself busy with this and that; not needing to take naps in the day, ever; not feeling tired.
But I don't feel particularly happy about it all. I don't feel much pleasure in anything; as though there is a barrier between me and life. Despite all my visualisations of feeling radiant, and jolly and happy, my default position is still a dull, depressed feeling and I can't seem to jump it up. I labour under a dark cloud.
'Course I'm not supposed to be writing this at all, or even thinking it, or even being aware that such things as darkness and depression exist. It's against all the rules of the Process. I'm supposed to 'filter' for all the delightful, glad things in life, like Pollyanna - but try as I might, they elude me! At least, I can see that they are there, but they don't seem to translate into corresponding feelings within me.
However, I think it's normal to feel like this in this particular condition, and I'm hopeful that eventually it will all work out and I'll end up just as nauseating as everybody's dear friend Pollyanna.
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